My friend Hauga had three children: a boy who was about eleven at the time, and girls that were nine and eight. He got an emergency call from Nebraska that his mother was very ill, and he needed to come at once…his wife Michelle (a Lakota Sioux) had been on a drunk for over a week and he didn’t know how to find her…and could I take care of his kids until he came back. Does any of this sound familiar?
I agreed and the first thing the kids and I had to do was buy some groceries…there was nothing but beer in the refrigerator and only coffee in the pantry. So we went to the store and just bought some staples, but I did agree that they could each pick out one thing that they wanted just to keep them from arguing about everything. I wasn’t surprised when they each picked their favorite dry cereal…so I bought a couple more gallons of milk and we went back to their apartment. I fixed a pot roast and some potatoes and veggies, and we settled in…about that time Michelle came home “roaring in drunk as a skunk’ and swearing and bitching about me being there and where was Hauga…I explained that he had to go to Nebraska and should be back in a couple of days…about that time she passed out. Tony (Hauga’s son) and I carried her into the bedroom and threw her on the bed, and we went back to “chillin’”.
When Hauga got back (his mother recovered fully) Michelle told him that she had been “sleeping with me” the whole time he was gone. Lucky for me, he didn’t believe her, and told her that you would sleep with anyone or anything…but he knew that I would never betray his friendship.
I will recount one other episode concerning Hauga and me. It was about this time of year and Hauga and Michelle had just gotten their Tribal checks and decided that they wanted to go to the Mall of America to buy school clothes for the kids. The problem was, they didn’t have a car…I had a 1979 Mercury Marquis (a “big boat”) and it looked terrible…but it always started and it always ran. I called it my “rez car” because it looked so pitiful. Well, the trip down was uneventful (if you don’t count children fighting all the way down)…just as we pulled into the parking lot at the Mall of America, a belt broke and the alternator went out. I had the money to get the parts but no money for labor, so Michelle and the kids went shopping, and Hauga called his brother-in-law Jimmy. They would go and get the parts, I would stay with the car to keep it from getting ticketed, and wait for Michelle and the kids. They got the parts, but when they got back Jimmy was so drunk that he couldn’t stand (and certainly not drive). It was getting too dark to work on the car…so we left a note saying that we would repair it in the morning. When Michelle and the kids got back, I convinced Jimmy that I should drive to his house and that way he could continue to drink…we made it safely to West Saint Paul and I slept in a chair. Jimmy, Michelle and her sister Mary drank themselves into oblivion. Hauga didn’t drink. The next day we got the car repaired and we were going to pick up Michelle and the kids when Jimmy decided he was too thirsty to go straight back to the house. So we stopped at this bar he knew and he started “throwing them down” pretty ferociously. Jimmy was half Lakota Sioux and half Irish, and that was a deadly combination…he started calling me “Special Ed”, and was looking at two couples at the next table. He asked the women, “Aren’t you afraid that someone will work your corner while you are in here”. About that time Hauga picked him up by his shirt collar and carried him to the car…we headed back to Hinckley.
There were many other adventures and misadventures that Hauga and I had, but those will be fodder for the future.
Again…this is all absolutely true…give or take a lie or two.
Until next time…
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